Your Parents’ Wishes and Hopes for You

All parents have wishes and hopes for their children.  They cannot help but project these wishes and hopes onto their children.  So whether you want it or not, you have been influenced strongly by your parents’ wishes.

Fortunately, parents only want the best for their children.  But as human beings, parents are limited by their belief system and their own experiences.  I have found that it helps to be explicit about the parent’s projections, and they are always present.  You can then reflect upon it and see it as something you consciously want to adopt or reject. Please beware that your age can influence your judgment here.

Generally, the younger you are when you read this, the more inclined you might be to distance yourself from your parents and reject their advice.  This is a natural behavior and one that is necessary to become an independent adult.  But this rejection can be counterproductive in the sense that there is most likely a lot of wisdom in your parents’ wishes and advice.

As you grow older, chances are that you will appreciate your parents’ advice more.  Again, it takes mental effort and discipline to understand that these processes are happening to you.

 

Exercise: Your Parents’ Wishes for You

What is your father’s education and profession?

 

What other things, both professionally and socially, has your father done in the past?

 

What would your father want you to do with your life?

 

What is your mother’s education and current profession?

 

What other things, both professionally and socially, has your mother done in the past?

 

What would your mother want you to do with your life?

 

 

Exercise: Your Father’s Influence

What is your father’s sense of life? (You may not be able to fully describe your father’s Sense of Life. Just write down some key words that will allow you to grasp it.)

 

 

Which of your father’s good qualities would you like to adopt?

Examples:
I would like to adopt my father’s good sense of humor.
I would like to adopt my father’s calmness in stressful situations.
I would like to adopt my father’s way of always having some money in reserve for a rainy day.
(If you can’t name any good qualities, then think again.  Everyone has good qualities.)

 

Which of your father’s qualities would you rather not adopt?

Examples:
I do not want to adopt my father’s depression.
I do not want to adopt my father’s bad temper.
I do not want to adopt my father’s smoking habit.

When I was young, my father wanted me to be/do/become:

Examples:
I remember him saying that I should avoid heavy labor.
I remember him saying, “I wish I had become a lawyer.”

 

Exercise: Your Mother’s Influence

What is your mother’s sense of life? (You may not be able to fully describe your mother’s Sense of Life. Just write down some key words that will allow you to grasp it.)

Which of your mother’s good qualities would you like to adopt?

Examples:
I would like to adopt my mother’s caring nature.
I would like to adopt my mother’s sense of adventure.
I would like to adopt my mother’s ability to balance work and family.
(If you can’t name any good qualities, then think again. Everyone has good qualities.)

Which of your mother’s qualities would you rather not adopt?

Examples:

I do not want to adopt my mother’s perfectionism.
I do not want to adopt my mother’s lack of patience.
I do not want to adopt my mother’s snappy responses.

When I was young, my mother wanted me to be/do/become:

Examples:
I remember her praising my writing abilities.
I remember her saying that I should major in psychology.

 

Which parent do you mostly identify with?  Your father or your mother?  Why?

See my YouTube channel for more materials.
You can also buy a hardcopy of the book here on Lulu.com.

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Free Workbook: “what do you want to do with your life?”
Allowing Ourselves to Ask the Question

Table of Contents


I. Chapter One: Introduction to Life Planning


II. Chapter Two: Your Past



III. Chapter Three: The Influence Of Generations



IV. Chapter Four: Your Present



V. Chapter Five: Your Future



VI. Chapter Six: Your Alternatives



VII. Chapter Seven: Making The Decision

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