What You Want are Feelings

We might not always realize this, but what we are constantly after are not things, people, or other manifestations of our goals.  Rather, we are after the feelings that go with them.

Let me illustrate.  For example, someone wants to buy a big expensive boat.  The person wants the boat, but if you break down the real desire this person has into its components, we see that what the person really wants is the sound of the sea, the feeling of the sun on the skin, and the wonderful atmosphere of the family being together.

If you show a person that he or she can have those same feelings by renting a small cabin by the sea for a week (at a fraction of the cost) the person might be just as content.  The point is that there is always more than one way of bringing about the desired feelings.

We first have to realize that we are after feelings, and then we can stop and think if the way we are pursuing to get those feelings is actually the best.  So if you want a new car, what you might really want is the feeling of luxury, the feeling of people admiring your new car, and the feeling of safety from driving a new car.

But what if someone shows you that you can get even bigger feelings of admiration by donating money to the local school, and even better safety by using public transportation?  You might then reconsider the purchase of the new car and keep the old.  Because what you were after was not really the new car, but the feelings that the new car would bring with it.

As you work on your life plan, begin by doing some “feelings management.”

List the feelings you want.


How do you typically get these feelings?


What other ways could you get these feelings?


What other feelings could you seek instead?


What feelings could you get rid of or do without?


What feelings do you absolutely not want to have?


Are you taking full advantage of your life here on earth so that you get all the great feelings to which you are entitled?  How or how not?


Free Workbook: “what do you want to do with your life?”
Allowing Ourselves to Ask the Question

Table of Contents

I. Chapter One: Introduction to Life Planning

II. Chapter Two: Your Past

III. Chapter Three: The Influence Of Generations

IV. Chapter Four: Your Present

V. Chapter Five: Your Future

VI. Chapter Six: Your Alternatives

VII. Chapter Seven: Making The Decision

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